Chapter 2: How could a good God allow suffering?

I finished reading Chapter 2 a few days ago but have not had time to sit and type out my thoughts.  My head cold has definitely slowed me down.  I have had it for a full week now and I am ready to get rid of it and be healthy.

It has not helped that our girls are back to screaming for hours on end in the middle of the night again.  We have had 5 nights in a row with a girl screaming for 2 + hours.  Ted has found a way to calm Quinn down so she does not cry that long any more; however, she still wakes up quite a few times each night.  We have yet to find a way to comfort Jenna.  Once she gets started, it is just miserable.  I have started asking everyone we know to pray again for Jenna and Quinn’s sleep issues.  I wish I knew what was causing them.. is it an attachment issue, adoption issue, medical issue, developmental issue, temperament issue?  I don’t know but I am really frustrated with the situation.

Moving on to the book…how could a good God allow suffering?  I think it is a question that everyone asks at some point in their life.  The answer may determine if you become or perhaps stay religious.

I don’t know if I was just naive or not, but I never seemed to question God too much.  I remember questioning man’s interpretation of God’s word like infant baptism, gay marriage but I don’t ever remember questioning God’s existence and why He would allow suffering.  That is until Peace Corps.  I was really lonely partly because I was really bad at the language which made it hard for me in my village where I lived.  And the few Peace Corps Volunteers that lived in villages close by seemed to be leaving (going home to the US) or our lifestyles were just different.  I lived in a small village with no electricity or running water.  I had just help nurse a malnourished baby who was struggling with non-stop diarrhea back to life with clean water and electrolytes – something that we take for granted in the US but often wasn’t available to the poor in this community.  A few weeks earlier a neighbor girl of 7 who had a congenital heart issue (a small hole in her heart) had died after a medical missions team had operated on her to close off the heart because they didn’t have enough blood donated to transfuse into her little body.  To top it all off, everywhere I looked there seemed to be sick flee-infested dogs everywhere starving for lack of food and abused by the people around them who they themselves were starving too.  I remember standing there…looking up to the sky and saying there is no way a God would allow this.  No way.  I don’t believe any more.

I remember crying a lot, I had lost a part of me that day; a part of me that helped me cope with issues, a part of me that gave me hope to get through things.  Things did not get better.  A lot of things happened to finish out my time as a Peace Corps Volunteer complete with having a gun pointed and shot at me.  Needless to say I came home pretty broken. I think a few of my college friends sensed it because they began trying to rebuild my faith by sending me Bible verses over an emergency beeper I had as a volunteer and came to visit me and call me as soon as I returned state-side.  I continued to question God, I could not imagine any reason why he would allow suffering like this to happen.

I know this won’t help everyone because frankly some people have gone through hell on earth and managed to survive but Keller states that, “Just because you can’t see or imagine a good reason why God might allow something to happen doesn’t mean there can’t be one.  With time and perspective most of us can see good reasons for at least some of the tragedy and pain that occurs in life.”

They say hindsight is 20/20 and I guess they might be right because looking back, I can see how God had His hand in the events.  Like if I had not been shot at, I would not have been rushed out of the country leaving my stuff and friends behind without a fairwell and I would not have had my exit medical exam state-side.  I tested positive for TB, no biggy really.  If I would have had my exam in the Dominican Republic, they would have given me TB meds and sent me on my merry little way.  Because I had my exam state-side, I was the first positive result with active symptoms that my small town clinic had ever seen.  So they rushed me off to a bigger city where they took more tests.  They found out I had a different infection on top of TB, one that causes brain and lung tumors and will kill you in 1 year.  The treatment for it is readily available, but only because they caught it so early.  I do still have permanent lung damage from the second bacterial infection.  I may potentially have permanent brain damage from it too.  Although I don’t think so.  (My family might answer differently.)  I feel like I am alive today because I was shot at.  How many people can say that?   In addition, I returned home to MN where I met my future husband.  Without Ted and the events that lead me to him, I wouldn’t have Luke and Ryan nor our two girls Quinn and Jenna. And at the time I remember questioning God, asking Him, “What the hell are you doing?”

Keller says “Success in life came to them through their most difficult and painful experiences” which allowed people to have an “irreplaceable season of personal and spiritual growth.”

Yeah it might really suck at the time.  Christianity can not always give us the reason behind why we have to go through what we do, but I do think it can give you the courage to face what you have to face, to give you strength and hope.  Why?  Because Jesus went though the same sufferings that we do.  Jesus spent all eternity with God only to be separated from Him at his greatest time of pain and need…..I wonder how many people would look at this and say that God has abandon them in their time of need.  Yet with our hindsight being 20/20, we can see that God didn’t abandon Jesus forever.  He was there.  It had to happen this way so that Jesus could experience the pain, despair, loneliness, rejection, firsthand…..

Keller states “God takes our misery and suffering so seriously that he was willing to take it on himself. “   I think I forget this sometimes.   So I may not be able to answer the grand question, “Why does God let pain and suffering occur?”  But I do know this, whatever the circumstances, God can take them and mold them and turn them into something that is truly beautiful.

Trip to the water park

Last weekend we had the annual family trip to WI Dells indoor water park.  Luke looks forward to this trip all year long.  He loves the water.   Usually we go at the end of April beginning of May but this year our weekend ended up on Mother’s day weekend which just so happened to be my birthday.  This year to make the trip extra special, Ted thought we should pick Luke up from school early which he thought was great.

The boys had a lot of fun playing in the water.  Some of their favorite things was the beloved green slide (Luke has loved this slide for the last 3 years and I think he is just starting to outgrow it but Ryan really had a blast on it).

The boys played a lot of leap pad which was a little dangerous but it was hilarious watching them.   I love Luke’s face in this picture as he steals the lily pad away from Ryan.

But I think their favorite part was the hot tub.  I know little kids are not suppose to go in, but we would get cold and it was so easy to hop in for a few minutes to warm back up.

So what did Jenna and Quinn like the most?  They loved to splash in the water and drink it.  I tried to discourage the drinking part but they didn’t seem to listen.

Probably the thing they liked the most was jumping into Ted’s arms.  They did this over and over and over.

I love their faces as they hit the water.  It was hard to catch it all the time but a few turned out.

But the thing we did the most while there or at least it felt like the most was …. if you know sign language this is your clue…

going potty.  Always going potty.  Someone always had to go, so we saw this sign a lot which we really shouldn’t complain.  Grandpa Yoder would be happy to know that our kids to not add to the toilet bowl swimming pool water.  Although I don’t think that would convince him enough to ever go swimming with our kids in a public pool.

It was a great trip.  Luke and Ryan are already talking about our next year’s trip so it must have been a success.

The reason for God Chapter 1

by Michele

I am a bit sick right now with a head cold so my thoughts might not be totally put together but this past few days, Ted and I have read Chapter 1:  There can’t be just one religion.

Initially I was a little disappointed.  Maybe I expected the chapter to read like a college term paper presenting all the reasons out there why one religion can’t have all the truth and why all religions probably contain part of the truth.  I expected to hear an argument (granted Keller is a Christian pastor so he would be presenting the opposing side) about how religion is just for helping the weak get through a tough spot. Maybe I expected him to go into a detailed list of how all the major religions relate and differ to each other.  I don’t know.

Keller touched more on how cultural and political leaders try to rid the world of religion or blame today’s violence on religious groups which in turn causes more violence.  It pits us against one another.  Which I think is a little ironic since we as Christians are suppose to love one another just as Jesus loved us.  Yet we are human and as Christians can make mistakes just like everyone else.  We are unable to get past our sinful human self all the time and are unable to show our true calling to love others as ourselves.

There were a few quotes that I liked from the chapter…

“We once needed religion to help us cope with a very frightening, incomprehensible world.  But as we become more scientifically sophisticated and more able to understand and control our own environment, our need for religion would diminish, it was thought.”  

This one made me think because really how many people think this is true. Even as a Christian… how many times do we only call on God when we are in trouble and are frightened?

The question we are suppose to answer this week is

Which of the axioms presented by Keller resonated most with you? Do you agree with it or disagree with it? Why?

What I think ties into another quote that I really liked out of the book.

“Religion is not just a temporary thing that helped us adapt to our environment.  Rather it is a permanent and central aspect of the human condition.”

Keller stated this earlier in the chapter but later he talks about how politicians ask us to leave our religion behind, keep church and state separate.  This is something I have really struggled with…where and how can you have a separate church and state when a person is involved in both.  Can you really leave your beliefs, morals behind when you interact with others?  Yet can we really impose our beliefs and morals on others who might disagree with our beliefs?  As I said, I really struggle with it.  People say if you vote your Christian morals then you vote Republican but I don’t really agree with that.  I think Republicans have some things right but so do Democrats.  I can not vote straight down party lines and I wish our political figures wouldn’t either.  I wish they would vote how their morals guide them and not by which party they are a member of or which lobby group donates the most money.  I think we would get a lot more accomplished if we could learn to love each other and treat each other with respect.

Intro to Reasons for God

by Michele

A few weeks back I was reading some of the blogs that I follow.  One of them called Ni Hao Y’all (run by a lady very active in the adoption world) said she wanted to start an online Bible study.  Lately I have been feeling like my relationship with God has been on a back burner and thought this might be a good way to jumpstart it again.

She picked the book The Reason for God:  Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller.  The goal is to read a chapter a week and on Tuesday she is going to put up a post about it on her blog with a few questions and we are suppose to answer them either on her blog (if we don’t have one) or on our blog (if we feel comfortable being that open with our thoughts).

This type of writing (lets be honest…any type of writing) has never been my strong suit but I still want to give it a try.  I am a little hesitant also because I know Ted’s Mom and Grandpa read this and I really feel like they could do a much better job at writing these type of posts.  But it’s not about their faith journey, it is about mine.  I don’t know if I am going to have a great insight every week to share or not, but I might, so I thought I would just inform everyone about the book I am reading.  I am hoping for some more spiritual growth that will make my relationship with God and my husband more of a priority in my life.

With that said…..This week we were supposed to read the introduction by Tuesday.  I know I am a few days behind but I didn’t even get the book until Wednesday.  Our question for the week to think about was

Can you relate to what Keller says about the need for Christians to dissect their personal and cultural doubts? If so, what are your most pervasive doubts? If not, to what do you attribute your confidence?

The introduction talks a lot about how polarized the world is becoming in everything from religion, politics, morals, etc.  You are either a member of one camp or the other camp with each camp unable to understand or want to understand the other.  There is no middle ground anymore on any issue, there is no compromise.  And you wonder why marriage these days fail so easily (ok, that is my own personal thought but really, if people were more willing to talk, work together, understand each other’s side, do you really think there would be so much hurt in the world?).  Keller asked people to try and understand their own doubts first and then try to understand the other side’s doubts.  What is clear to one person is not so clear to other.

Take Ted’s and my communication sometimes.  Last night I asked him to renew a magazine for me.  I assumed he would go onto the Internet and renew it at the web address provided; however, he wrote out a check (we have to pay for check printing), found an envelope, put a stamp on it (again we have to pay for postage) and placed it in the mail.  Both ways get it done; however, CLEARLY my way was cheaper for our family.

(By Ted – However, from my perspective, CLEARLY it was much FASTER to just check a box on the renewal form, write a check, stuff it in the provided envelope rather than pulling out the computer and navigating through a maze of logins, security questions, and credit card forms.)

My initial reaction to Ted last night was that I was angry at him.  He didn’t do what I wanted.  I was unwilling to consider that his way, his point of view, could actually work too.  I am sure everyone has examples when they thought the best way was obvious to everyone yet their partner, parents, kids, etc. didn’t see the problem the same way.

A quote that I think explains the reason for Keller writing the book is “People who blithely go through life too busy or indifferent to ask hard questions about why they believe as they do will find themselves defenseless against either the experience of tragedy or the probing questions of a smart skeptic.”  This quote seemed to really resonate with me because I remember when I left home to attend a Christian college.  Lots of students who went to college with me grew up in a religious family but suddenly didn’t have that structure that made them go to church.  They had to decide what they really believed or didn’t believe. I saw many of my classmates just give up, it was too much work to figure out what Jesus really meant to them – even at a Christian college.  There was too much doubt and it was easier to not think about it or just continue doing what you are doing without digging deeper to truly understand why you are doing what you are doing.  I remember because I was that way at first too.  I remember a slow climb out of the world of doubt.  I still don’t know if I could explain to a skeptic why I believe everything I believe.  I know I can not discuss it with my brother who is an outspoken atheist.  I have found it easier to just avoid the subject at all cost with him but lately I have been feeling that God has been calling me to step up.  We will see if this book will help with the conversations that I hope will happen with my brothers.

There are 2 parts to the book.  The first part is about different doubts people have about Christianity.  The second part looks like it lists the reason for faith.  Next week around Tuesday, I will hopefully have some good thoughts on Chapter 1: “There can’t be just one true religion”.

Busy, busy, busy…

by Michele

Wow, it has been a while…not because we have had nothing to report but because we have been so busy.  Last Wednesday/Thursday (May 1st/2nd) we had our random snow storm.  The kids had a blast one last time playing in the snow.

They shoveled snow and when they were done with that they shoveled all of the tree buds/flowers that had fallen off of the trees because of the snow and ice.

Luke didn’t have school on Friday so Ted decided to take the day off so we could have some family fun.  A few other plans/ideas fell through so we ended up going to the MN zoo.  My boys have always enjoyed going to the zoo and we figured the girls would too.  Quinn got so excited every time she found an animal, it was really cute.  We also had a family friend’s kid with us so no, there is not a crazy extra girl in our picture, we do actually know her.

We must have visited the zoo on a good day because we got to see the workers feed grapes to the fruit bats, the penguins got fish, and the boa constrictor…well she just got a bath.  It was a lot of fun.

On Saturday we went to the Festival of Nations in St. Paul MN.  It was Ted’s idea and I am glad he came up with it because it was a lot of fun.  The festival had booth after booth of different types of food to try.  I ended up with an Italian salad and some Tibetan momo (I think…it was like potato/vegetable dumplings with very hot sauce to go with them).  It was awesome food.

Ted and the kids were not as adventurous so most of my food did come from the same stands that they were going to or right next to, but some of the other food that we walked by like the curries and stir-fries looked so delicious.  Everyone did get a bit adventurous when it was time for dessert.  Luke and Ryan really liked this Filipino dessert.

They tried a few potatoes from Mexico and the spices on them were pretty hot.  We didn’t realize it at the time and could not understand why Jenna and Quinn were whining so bad until we got a bite with all the spices.  We then had the kids eat from the top and bottom parts where the spices were not as strong.  That went a lot better.

Don’t worry, we washed it down with some smoothies and some French eclairs.

Along with all of the food, there were lots of music groups playing and dance groups.  I think we watched the dancers for about 2 hours.  Ryan asked the whole time that we ate when we could go back and watch more dancers and listen to more music.  His feet, hands, and body were moving the whole time.  It was a lot of fun to watch but a little frustrating when Ryan could not eat because he was always busy clapping.

Upstairs in a different room they had stations set up on a lot of the different nationalities around the world.  They did nationalities instead of countries because there are a few nationalities represented that do not have a home country.  You could get a fake passport for the kids and they could go around and get it stamped at each of the different booths.  It was really cool because most of the booths had a person who would translate the kids name into that language.  Luke’s name is pretty simple but there were a few languages we really struggled with Quinn and Ryan.  We made up a few things for Ryan.  If the person didn’t know how to translate Quinn it usually became Queen.  Luke had so much fun collecting all of his stamps and seeing his name written in all the different languages.

Last but not least, I need to post a picture of the garbage cans there.  Ted and a few others are going to laugh but I was really impressed with their garbage system.  Most places usually only have garbage cans.  If you are lucky, there are bottle recycling but here, they had everything.  And to top it all off, they had a person there to make sure you put your garbage into the correct bin.  That’s right….you had to recycle your stuff.  No more excuses of I am too lazy or it is too hard.  You had to recycle.  Love it!!!!!

Same or different

by Michele

I know the first few weeks in China I had a very hard time telling the girls apart.  But after a bit of time, I started seeing small differences and noticing the differences in behaviors.  I always wondered if they were identical or not, I mean they sure looked like they were but then they didn’t either.

When they had their surgery last October, the doctors did a bit of blood work and found out that they were indeed identical twins.  But lately when I look at them I don’t think they seem identical at all.  Some people say that is because I am their mom but their faces are really changing, enough that a lot of people are actually able to tell them apart.  And personality-wise, they are so different….thankfully. I don’t know if I could handle two highly emotional children.  So what do you think?  The same or different….

They had just woken up from their nap so they refused to smile but one of them decided she did not like her picture being taken.  Can you guess which one?

Bye-bye curls

by Michele

All of the Yoder boys were due for a hair cut.  I think the last time I cut their hair was during Lice week in December.  I kept on putting it off because if I do it inside, I have to clean up all of the hair and it gets everywhere.  Yesterday was finally nice enough that I could do it outside.  The cut hair just blows away instead of me having to clean it up.  The kids are outside playing and running around instead of running through my hair piles on the floor while they check on the progress of their siblings hair cut.  Double bonus.

When it became Ryan’s turn to cut his hair, I asked him if he wanted longer hair or shorter hair.  He said shorter hair for summer.  Now for those of you who do not live close to us, in the last 4 months, Ryan had managed to grow a head full of curls.

He was very proud of his curls because he had been getting a lot of comments on his hair from a lot of different people.  I told Ryan that if I cut it short, he would no longer have his curls.  He said that was ok but then I think it finally hit him because as I was preparing to cut his hair, he started to get very emotional.

Almost makes a momma’s heart break….

It was a very emotional hair cut but true to Ryan’s character, he was smiling within minutes of being done.  Hair cuts done for at least a few more months so this mamma is smiling too.

Spring, new beginnings

by Michele

I know anyone in the Midwest is wondering if we are ever going to get spring but I think it was here at one time because I caught these walking into my house a few weeks back.  They had pants to match too but I made all the kids take everything off before they were allowed into the house.

But as most people know we are back into winter with snow.  If you need someone to blame you can blame me because I kept on praying for a snowy winter.  I felt like last year when we didn’t get any snow, my kids got cheated.  They are only going to enjoy playing in the snow in the backyard for a few more years and right now is prime enjoyment years so I wanted some.  Anyways, all December I was adding to my prayers, “please give us a lot of snow so that my kids could play in it.”  I think I forgot to specify when I wanted the snow.  I’ll work on that for next year.

As a follow-up to some comments a few weeks ago, I had gotten to the point where I felt hopeless.  I felt like the girls were never going to end their 2-3 hour scream-fests that they had just about every night.  And it was destroying me.  In a way where I could no longer empathize with them.  I no longer cared that they were in pain, probably emotionally from being ripped away from everything they used to know.  I could not understand why they were still mourning.  I mean, they were happy here, giggling all the time, giving us hugs, called us mommy and daddy.  They loved to play with Luke and Ryan.  Their daytime temper tantrums were getting to a place where I felt we could manage them.  Everyone was telling me I was doing a great job with them, that they seemed so well adjusted.  But those people did not hear the wailing that happened in the middle of the night.  The hopelessness that Ted and I felt, well maybe just me.  The girls have been sleeping downstairs screaming in the basement while I was upstairs, doors shut and a pillow over my head trying to sleep so that I would have the patience to make it through their daytime temper tantrums.

I was asking everyone I know what to do.  My early childhood class advice was to just accept it, there is nothing you can do.  I am sorry, that does not work for me.  I fix problems, I try new things so that we can fix problems.  I am not a person who likes to complain about things just to complain.  If I am complaining about something that means I want ideas to fix things so it is no longer a problem.  I will try anything.

That evening as I was dreading going to bed because I knew someone would be up shortly screaming with no end in sight, I realized that I forgot one thing.  I forgot maybe the most important tool that I have.  A tool that sadly to say I don’t use to the level that I should.  I walked into their bedroom as I have done since each one of my kids have come home and instead of just looking at them, re-tucking them in for the night, I decided to say a prayer.  A prayer to God to help us through this night.  A prayer that if my girls wake up, to give Ted and I the words that they need to be comforted, to be at peace so that they could go back to sleep (and so we could go back to sleep too).

I have said that prayer over them every night for the last 2 weeks and we have had 2 weeks of pretty good sleep around here.  Minus the one night where Luke and Ryan threw-up every 30 mins to 1 hour from 9:30 pm-6:40 am.  We started out our adoption with lots of prayer but it was hard to do anything those first few nights with two newly adopted children who were in mourning.  I know a few times in the last 9 months I remembered to ask God for help but it was only a night here or there.  When our family needed prayer the most from me is when I fell apart.  But I have a plan again.  Why my plan did not include praying over my children the whole time in the first place, I don’t know.  Maybe because I was too distracted with running a family of 6, trying to figure out how to get my girls adjusted into a whole new live, how to parent Ryan who is still struggling so badly, I was worn out, I could come up with 10,000 reasons why.   I know we will still have some rocky nights ahead of us but I have hope again.  And with hope and faith in God anything can be accomplished.

My dear sweet Jenna

by Michele

A few days back, Quinn was in a pink outfit and playing with a pink balloon.  I thought it would make for a really cute picture so I got out the camera and asked Quinn to sit on a chair so I could take some pictures.  Quinn is usually very smiley and all about posing for pictures.  I thought this was going to be good.  Jenna, who is an anti-picture kid, heard me tell Quinn something and decided that I was probably going to give Quinn something so she quickly pushed Quinn out of the way, screamed at Quinn, and hopped on to the chair herself.  She wanted to be first.  I thought, ok, maybe she really wants her picture taken.  When Jenna realized what she just got herself into this is what I got.

After the fact, I thought the chair seemed only fitting for Jenna’s facial expressions.  Sadly to say, she wasn’t even in trouble.

Oh my dear sweet Jenna, you had a cry-fest because you thought Quinn was going to get something and you were not only to find out what you got was not what you wanted and so you had another cry-fest.  For all of you reading this post, she can be happy sometimes, I think….

Twins does not equal 2 kids

by Michele

I am sure that I have commented on this in other posts but since I feel totally defeated today, one more post will have to do.

Twins are hard.  Period.  I know technically they are just two kids and they should not be more work then two kids but they are.  Just about everyone who has twins have told me the same thing so I know I am not totally crazy.

The rivalries/competitions are at a whole different level.  There is competition between Luke and Ryan but it is not all the time on every little thing that could possibly happen during the day.  Sure sometimes Luke and Ryan race to the bathroom, race to get dressed but a lot of times they don’t view it as a race.  The girls on the other hand seem to be much more sensitive about who made it to the bathroom first, who got told “good job” first, who got help getting dresses first, who got their coat on first.  For example, three nights ago, I told everyone it was time to get ready for bed.  Quinn made it to the stairs before Jenna did so naturally Jenna went into a full blown temper tantrum.  We had been making some progress in the tantrum area but in the last week Jenna has brought back the “Chinese death scream”.  Basically the level of tantrums she had in China when she realized she was not going to get her way.  I know this can happen with other kids not just twins but it seems to happen more often with the girls then with the boys (that or the girls are just louder and we tend to notice the competition more).

On a side note, for those of you who are adopting and it says on the paperwork that this child is prone to screaming when they don’t get their way, take it seriously and have some ideas on what and how you are going to handle it because when that scream is hitting you in the face, it is really hard to think.  Especially if you are used to some very mellow kids.

Being the third born in my family, I am all about fairness.  Partly because all I seemed to hear was, “when you are your brother’s age you will get to do that too”.  Having more then one kid now I understand it is hard to let your oldest kid grow up but not let your younger kids do things that they are not old enough to handle.  But for twins, if we give Jenna two kisses then Quinn screams until she gets two kisses.  If Quinn got more milk, then Jenna screams until she gets more milk (even though she does not want more milk and you just had to make her drink the milk she had so that she will actually pee that day).  I mean seriously Jenna, do you really want more milk?  At least scream and have a temper tantrum for something you actually want.  I was talking to someone who has twins today and she said this never gets any better.  In the eyes of a twin, there is always a running score card of how much more things, affection, special treatment the other twin gets.  Again, at a whole other level then just two siblings.

Why you ask…because they are twins, they are going through the same things, at the same time dealing with the same issues.  I was venting some of my frustrations with a mom of twins, she just laughed and said wait until you get both of them in the “why” questioning phase.  It was bad enough with just Luke with Ryan sort of tagging along but to have two kids in full force “why” phase, maybe I shouldn’t work too hard at getting the girls to talk today (which in case you are wondering, is why I feel completely defeated today).

Maybe tomorrow will be better.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  It has to be right?  I think today Jenna and Quinn were having a competition on who can be more stubborn.  For the twin score card, Quinn you win, hands down today but I know Jenna and she doesn’t take to losing.  I am guessing by the end of the day we will see another appearance of the ‘Chinese death scream’ from Jenna.