Today I was busy in the kitchen trying to decorate my nephew’s 1st Birthday cake. I was not sure how it was going to turn out. My brother wanted a farm setting on the cake and I was contemplating if the brown dirt looked like something else that was brown which should not be associated with food.
As I was thinking about birthdays, I started feeling a bit guilty because 2 days ago my other brother had his birthday and I completely forgot to call him. I usually call him on his birthday and this year I thought it would be fun to skype him so my kids could sing to him on his birthday. I remembered Saturday but when Sunday came around, the thought didn’t even cross my mind. So as I was decorating my cake I got to thinking about all of our birthdays that we have celebrated.
And then it hit me….Dec. 2nd. Yeah it is my oldest brother’s birthday but it is also the day my babies became orphans. Two years and 2 days ago Jenna and Quinn went through one of the worst days of their life. They lost their birth family. We don’t know if their momma dropped them off and said goodbye or their daddy or someone else. All we know is that 2 years and 2 days ago, our girls got dropped off in front of a government building and then a family member or a caring stranger called the police to make sure someone found the girls. I know some people might argue that a 2 month old doesn’t understand that kind of loss but in the adopted world, we know they do. They may not understand the situation but they have a huge feeling of loss, something that we as parents to adopted kids will have to help our kids deal with for the rest of their lives. I have talked to a few other adopted mothers and they all say one thing, their kids are strong and they are fighters. Not because they are born that way, but because they have to be.
They were on their own for a while. Yes they were cared for by their foster family and by the orphanage but it is not the same as a loving family. I wonder what the girls would be like if they always had a family. Would they have so much anger in them? Would their temper tantrums be so strong? I don’t know and perhaps I never will. It might just be them trying to deal with the loss….or it might just be Quinn & Jenna.
So as I sit here attempting to write this post with two girls wrapped up in each arm hoping that when I have to get up, they won’t throw a temper tantrum, I pray that I can remember what they have been through and react with grace, understanding, and most importantly….love.