The wait

by Michele

I was on the computer today looking for a file when I stumbled upon this… our Christmas letter from 2011.  I love getting other peoples letters and pictures in the mail but I have never put one together.  Well, last year I had every intent to start.  I wrote the letter and had it ready to print off.  I had a Christmas picture all ready to order.  All I had to do was order/print and start mailing away.  But I never did it.  I was holding off because I thought that any day we were going to get a call from our adoption agency about our new daughter and I wanted to add that news to the letter.  I also had an empty space where a picture should go on our card just waiting for the first referral picture.  I was that sure but days turned into weeks.  The wait was killing me.

All you adoptive mommas know what I am talking about, the waiting period where you feel so alone and nobody seems to understand this hole in your heart because your child is out there somewhere and you are unable to calm, protect, comfort them.  I know you have to wait 9 months if you have a kid the natural way but that wait didn’t seem bad because you know when the end is, you have a date and it is a final date hit or miss a week or so.  And your kids is with you.  But the wait after you have all of your paperwork done and you are just waiting for God to place that perfectly matched child’s paperwork in your hands…that wait is a killer.  The not knowing if it will be tomorrow, in a week, 4 months from now is brutal.

I think it is even worse if you are going through the wait during the holiday season, wondering if you will get that phone call before Christmas because it is really all you want for Christmas.  It’s probably equivalent to the wait if you are trying to get pregnant and have had a hard time going months on end with no luck.  Well, those of you who know our journey, we got our call Dec. 20th for Quinn.  We spent the whole Christmas break with a picture not knowing if we were going to get her because of a secretarial mistake on China’s end.  I cried most of Christmas 2011 until Dec. 28th when we got another call telling us that we were going to have twins.  Our long wait was over (well, it still took 6 months to get them home).   But for those of you who are going through that wait this holiday season, my heart aches for you.  It is brutally hard knowing that a piece of you is missing.

However, I do know this:  God’s timing is perfect.  At just the right moment, He will bring everything together.  Not too soon…not too late…but at just the right time.  I’m not sure why He doesn’t tell us in advance what His timing will be.  Perhaps it is so we have to rely on Him…trust in Him…believing and knowing that He has a amazing plan all laid out for us and that He will reveal it at just the right moment.  For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jer 29:11 NLT)

I thought those of you might be interested in our Christmas letter from 2011 so I copied it over.  It’s funny, life in the boys’ perspective is pretty similar.  Ryan is still loudly playing/dancing/singing most of the day.  Luke is still quietly playing with cars, reading, writing (his latest project is he is writing his numbers up to 1000 counting by 5’s) and beating up on Ryan.  The difference now is we have Quinn and Jenna too.  And what a blessing they are (even when they decided to throw a whole bunch of stuffed animals in the bath water before I had time to drain the water today).  Merry Christmas!

Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas Everyone!

This is our first ever Christmas letter and since I like to talk but not necessarily write we will keep it short and simple.

Ryan turned 2 in September although everyone guesses he is older because of his height.  He is quite the active little boy always trying to keep up with Luke.  The biggest thing we have noticed during this past year with Ryan is that our house is never quiet.  Ryan is talking, singing or playing an instrument all of the time and I mean all of the time.  Yes this includes in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep.  He loves to sing.  I just got my flute out to practice some Christmas music and Ryan got out a drum so that he could play along and for the most part he did keep a steady beat for me.

Luke will be turning 4 ½ this month and is already planning his 5th birthday party.  He is in his second year of pre-school and loves it but has informed us that he is too shy to go to kindergarten let alone college where he would have to cook for himself.  He said he plans on living at home for the rest of his life, to work with daddy everyday and eat candy from the vending machines just like daddy.  One of Luke’s favorite things is to be outside.  He keeps on asking me when God is going to make it snow again so that he can go out and make new tracks.  He is very content playing by himself quietly lining things up and counting them.  He does not appreciate Ryan’s loud destructive behavior; however, he does love Ryan because when I threaten to leave Ryan behind, Luke is in tears bleating to Ryan to hurry up and get in the car.  His response to me is always, “Mommy you can’t leave Ryan behind.  He is my little brother and I love him.”  However, I don’t want to mislead everyone, Luke does enjoy pushing, hitting, and bouncing on Ryan.  You know…all of the big brother type of stuff.

As for Ted and I, our big news is that we have decided to adopt a little girl from the Special Needs China Program.  All of our paperwork is in and we are waiting for a match which should come in the next couple of months (hopefully…).  Ted and I are taking a huge leap of faith by adopting a special needs child but we feel that this is where God is directing us.  We continually pray that our social workers will find and match us with a girl that will fit into our family and that we can handle whatever medical needs she may have.

And with that, I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas.  We look forward to what 2012 will bring…

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About tochinaandbackagain

I am a stay at home mom to two very active boys and soon we will bring home two Chinese twin girls with cleft lip and palate issues. I spend my day trying to be the best parent and wife I can be with God leading the way.
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