Twins does not equal 2 kids

by Michele

I am sure that I have commented on this in other posts but since I feel totally defeated today, one more post will have to do.

Twins are hard.  Period.  I know technically they are just two kids and they should not be more work then two kids but they are.  Just about everyone who has twins have told me the same thing so I know I am not totally crazy.

The rivalries/competitions are at a whole different level.  There is competition between Luke and Ryan but it is not all the time on every little thing that could possibly happen during the day.  Sure sometimes Luke and Ryan race to the bathroom, race to get dressed but a lot of times they don’t view it as a race.  The girls on the other hand seem to be much more sensitive about who made it to the bathroom first, who got told “good job” first, who got help getting dresses first, who got their coat on first.  For example, three nights ago, I told everyone it was time to get ready for bed.  Quinn made it to the stairs before Jenna did so naturally Jenna went into a full blown temper tantrum.  We had been making some progress in the tantrum area but in the last week Jenna has brought back the “Chinese death scream”.  Basically the level of tantrums she had in China when she realized she was not going to get her way.  I know this can happen with other kids not just twins but it seems to happen more often with the girls then with the boys (that or the girls are just louder and we tend to notice the competition more).

On a side note, for those of you who are adopting and it says on the paperwork that this child is prone to screaming when they don’t get their way, take it seriously and have some ideas on what and how you are going to handle it because when that scream is hitting you in the face, it is really hard to think.  Especially if you are used to some very mellow kids.

Being the third born in my family, I am all about fairness.  Partly because all I seemed to hear was, “when you are your brother’s age you will get to do that too”.  Having more then one kid now I understand it is hard to let your oldest kid grow up but not let your younger kids do things that they are not old enough to handle.  But for twins, if we give Jenna two kisses then Quinn screams until she gets two kisses.  If Quinn got more milk, then Jenna screams until she gets more milk (even though she does not want more milk and you just had to make her drink the milk she had so that she will actually pee that day).  I mean seriously Jenna, do you really want more milk?  At least scream and have a temper tantrum for something you actually want.  I was talking to someone who has twins today and she said this never gets any better.  In the eyes of a twin, there is always a running score card of how much more things, affection, special treatment the other twin gets.  Again, at a whole other level then just two siblings.

Why you ask…because they are twins, they are going through the same things, at the same time dealing with the same issues.  I was venting some of my frustrations with a mom of twins, she just laughed and said wait until you get both of them in the “why” questioning phase.  It was bad enough with just Luke with Ryan sort of tagging along but to have two kids in full force “why” phase, maybe I shouldn’t work too hard at getting the girls to talk today (which in case you are wondering, is why I feel completely defeated today).

Maybe tomorrow will be better.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  It has to be right?  I think today Jenna and Quinn were having a competition on who can be more stubborn.  For the twin score card, Quinn you win, hands down today but I know Jenna and she doesn’t take to losing.  I am guessing by the end of the day we will see another appearance of the ‘Chinese death scream’ from Jenna.

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About tochinaandbackagain

I am a stay at home mom to two very active boys and soon we will bring home two Chinese twin girls with cleft lip and palate issues. I spend my day trying to be the best parent and wife I can be with God leading the way.
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2 Responses to Twins does not equal 2 kids

  1. Gina says:

    Michele, Thank you for sharing your blog. You are so sweet, you are an awesome mom, your kids are all adorable. It IS so hard. Keeping it all fair in their eyes, not an easy task. The screaming, not easy. I always say it was hardest for me to learn how to mother all the EMOTIONS flying around the kids, and I only have TWO kids!(one bio son, one adopted bilat cleft lip & palate daughter) You do seem to handle it all with such grace, I know there are harder days and moments that don’t feel that way, but you are doing a great job.

    Just a thought, if you feel like folks are always telling you: Oh, that’s normal, my kid always does that…don’t forget as their mom, you know best. If you believe the Intensity, Frequency and Duration of seemingly normal behavior is heightened, it wouldn’t hurt to look for some support.
    There are two yahoo groups that gave me so much support over the years. attach-china yahoo group and adoptcleft yahoo group. I hesitated at first, thinking well, my daughter seems to be completely attached to me. Yes, she was anxiously attached which complicated matters.
    Over the years we have learned so many ways to lessen her screaming and relieve her anxious attachment, turning it into a healthy attachment. I did have to learn to parent her a little differently than I did my bio son. It made a world of difference for our family.

    Respectfully, Gina

  2. dalo2013 says:

    As a twin myself…yes, we will bring you more than twice the grief but fortunately it will also be accompanied by twice the joy (of course, I am biased!). One of my best friends had twins a few years ago, and he now sympathizes greatly with my mother…and said he now looks at me in a different light 🙂 While ‘we twins’ may compete when we are young, it is part of an incredible bonding experience with each other and the wonderful parents, together you all will create a lot of magic in the future. Best to you all!

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